so i’m learning a lot about the feminist perspective on female eating disorders.

and i’ve gotta say, knowledge is curing me better than therapy, meditation, medication, starvation, binging, purging, self-mutilation or self-hatred ever did.

if ever you read this, if ever you wanted to read a book about ed’s, this is the one: http://www.amazon.com/Feminist-Perspectives-Eating-Disorders-Patricia/dp/1572301821

remember, you are not alone.

important message!

it has come to my awareness that the number on the scale does not matter so much as how you feel about your body.

i weighed in yesterday at almost my goal weight, x lbs. i was expecting to be quite a bit heavier as i just felt fat and thick and sluggish, not at all synonymous with being so near my goal weight right?
that number was such a shock.

and it’s making me realize, i can starve and lose MUSCLE and feel FAT and be tired all the time and unable to even walk up the stairs and can’t concentrate on my classes; but at least i weigh x lbs!

or i can eat healthy and work my ass off and gain muscle and feel skinny and look great and weigh x lbs more.

muscle always feels skinnier than fat, and muscle requires you to EAT.
the number doesn’t matter, what matters is how you feel about your body.

random abs day six:

16 russian twist + 15 reverse crunch + 10 side crunch + 20 push through + 15 oblique v-up+ 10 pulse up. X2.

un-progress

ask me what i ate today. ask me what i ate today.
fingersful of french fries, an almond cookie, a mug of hot chocolate. under 500 calories.
i had gotten a full plate of food. a burrito, a salad. i couldn’t eat them. they tasted wrong, worthless, stale.
and now hunger pangs. hunger pangs in the morning and hunger pangs at night. and i’ve been doing this for the last week.
why am i letting myself go here again ..

i think it’s because it makes everything slow down a little. i think it’s because it’s a coping mechanism i can revert to when all the shit starts spinning out of control, like it’s doing now. because at least this-being hungry-makes sense.

all this other shit doesn’t make sense, but my stomach hurts, and it feels good, and it makes sense.

sore abs from yesterday! (and i went running, for fun ty skrillex) : D

day four of abs today, 15 side jacknife + 13 side crunch + 20 elevated crunch. X4.

projectpetite:

:(

fmlll

(Source: violent-waves)